There’s no good way to say this…

I need to tell you all something. It’s an important something.

I have…













(pause for dramatic effect)

…blue toenails. Well, periwinkle, technically.


UGH. What a weight off my chest! You have no idea how hard it was for me to tell you that. Oh my goodness. Such distress.

You may be asking yourself, “Did I seriously just see a picture of her feet? Gross! SCROLLING DOWN NOW!”

Well to you I say, my canoes are kind of a big deal…in my close circle of friends…so you should feel very thankful that I’m sharing this with you.


No, but really, what’s this all about?

It’s about my toenails. For reals.

Okay, maybe it’s about more than my toenails. It’s about this thing that I have to deal with for at least the next six months that rhymes with Shmodgkin’s Shmymphoma (maybe I should have chose a better rhyme sound). And I’ll be doing treatments every two weeks using this toxic stuff that rhymes with shmemo (see that one was fun).

And yeah, it’s not great. But…

…okay I don’t have a “but it’s okay because…” because it’s not okay. It’s not okay for anyone to have shmancer. So what I’ll say is it’s a thing I have to deal with and I’m fairly confident I’ll get through it because this isn’t the last you’ll see of my canoes. They were just debuted. I can’t take them out of the spotlight so soon. That would be a travesty.

Material for that book I keep saying I’ll write.

Maybe this is just what I need to get into the world of non-fiction. A book written by a current (or surviving) shmancer patient with a deeply disturbing perspective. Or maybe it’s just a chapter.

Or maybe it’ll be fiction – a shmancer patient who wields a shield made of face masks and purell and who’s super power is binge watching every show and finding realistic Disney princess wigs to wear. I’m just saying it hasn’t been done before.

It hasn’t, right? 

Keep calm and…nope, nevermind.

Alright, as there was no good way to begin this, there is also no good way to end this. I could end with some hippy dippy bologna about rainbows and unicorns and how I’m going to ride a unicorn down a rainbow after I get through this, but…I’m just not in that space yet and it doesn’t feel authentic to say so. So really the mantra is more like, “I’m going to handle the shit I can handle today, and I’m going to try not to freak out about what will come tomorrow.”

Very eloquent, right? Well, it is my strong suit. #sarcasm



11 thoughts on “There’s no good way to say this…

  1. Marie says:

    I was just thinking tonight that I need to get my annual pedicure. You know just in time for 4th of July. I think I will even splurge for the stars on my big toe. Wait…this wasn’t just a post about toes.

    My bad.

    Yeah, schmancer or whatever you call it sucks. I won’t give you any sacchariney (is that even a word) cliches about journeys or reasons or waterfalls or rainbows….

    Just know I am praying for you and am here if you need anything.
    Except for painting your toe nails. I do have my limits. 🙂 I will leave that to the professionals.

  2. Young Prodigal says:

    Wow… You have a beautiful gift in your writing! Don’t ever give it up.

    You don’t know me, but your sister (Marie) has been an inspiration to me for several years now (hmm… must run in the family 😉). Just know that you will be on my mind and in my prayers as you begin this difficult journey.

    P.S. I’ll look forward to reading your book!

  3. Janis says:

    I’ve always been told & believe that laughter is the best medicine. It certainly beats the alternative! I will keep you & your family in my prayers. I firmly believe they help also!

  4. abigailbbenjamin says:

    You’ve been in my prayers for a while thanks to your sister. Love having some pretty toenails as a mental picture to go along with my prayer intentions. Thank you for sharing.

  5. Sherry says:

    Hi Jamie, I am an old coworker of your father in law Craig. I am also a cancer survivor. .. so I have been in your shoes (but my toenails were never as cute as yours). I so admire you as you go into battle against the cancer beast. I have been praying for you since I first heard….I know you can beat this..hope it helps you to know you are loved by so many.
    Hang tough..young lady!

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